Dear bint working at the Tesco self service.

Hey it's me. Yeah. can you see me? I'm the guy who's standing next to a big, red, flashing light and a monitor telling me to wait for a member of staff (that's you). I've been here for a while now. You see about 10 minutes ago when there wasn't anyone there? Well there actually was someone there - Me! Fucking me! I was standing there wondering why you're not letting me go.

Yeah, I'm this way. Over here. Why are you facing the other way? Oh, you're talking to your work mates really? They can't be that interesting. They work in a supermarket for fuck sake (That was a joke. I have a few friends who work in supermarkets and they're actually fun, interesting people - mostly).

Oh Right! you're going to help that woman over there. YOU HAD TO WALK PAST ME TO GET TO HER. Bitch. Oh and now you're helping the jakes scan all of their shopping at the top machine. Aw bless, he doesn't know how to scan the barcode on his club card. Fucking help me you stupid skank! Oh! And now you're fixing the abandoned one next to me. How about helping me here before you have another abandoned check out to deal with?

...

Ahh, back to doing nothing again? Good for you. You've had a hard 2 minutes of entering numbers on touch screens. Best take a wee rest before you deal with me. Yeah, take a seat. I'm fine just standing here.

And then she finally came over. I wasn't overly polite but I at least had the self control not to knock her out. "Do you have any ID?" Is she fucking kidding? How could I not be old enough to buy booze, I've been waiting here for 18 years. If I wasn't old enough before, I am now! I have a fucking beard and she IDs me.

I didn't have a beard when I came in.

Tesco's customer standards have plummeted since Lee left

That's right Lee. Every little DOES count.

(That wasn't a joke about him having a small cock by the way. Everyone knows that Lee's hung.)

Flat 8 = yay

Just looking at a message at the bottom of the page "Draft autosaved at 14:14" I haven't typed anything yet and already my blog is saving the post. Now that's over-protective!

Anyway, Exactly 1 year ago today I moved into Alloway halls - it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. brb food. I just put some toast on, by the end of this post, I'll probably have eaten it. Though Toast does remind me of Alloway, Me and Gary used to always eat Toast - it's just one of the ways we bonded. And of course there's Simmo, the Flat 8er who's most likely to be reading this (Hi Simmo). Grant (Persh) might read it, though that may be a long shot, He wasn't there last night in the union when we were all rocking out to Journey so I'm going to post a picture of him naked onto the internet



What a guy - hung like a horse.

Simmo wasn't there last night but I don't have any pictures of him naked, I think I was the only person who wasn't there when he was all naked and stuff.

How could a post about flat8... or about anything not mention the notorious DTI. Danny was purely Terryiffic (his surname was Terry - still, it's a pretty Terryble pun). When you watch the Matrix with Danny, you don't just finnish there, you go back the next day and watch The Matrix Reloded - Then the Beverly Hills Cop Trillogy - Then the Matrix Revolutions (we couldn't go straight from Reloaded to Reveloutions because Gary Was borrowing it so Beverly HIlls Cop 1,2 and 3 kept us going until he got up for work.

To describe Alloway in one word, I'd have to say "Braw". Fife volcabuary courtesy of Mr William O'neil - The man, the myth, the goal-keeper. he once made the mistake of leaving his bedroom door open and going away for the weekend...



We just happened to have few cups lying around...

The cups idea actually belonged to the oldest member of Flat 8; Stephan (I forgot your Middle name) Mcginley (I think that's how it's spelled). Known worldwide for his big Tattoo and his half hour wanks, Stephan is the kind of guy I can talk about doing things with 'Nazi German bints' with for hours.

Last but certainly not least - Lee 'the python' Malcolm. He knows who Mr Boom is and so do I. In a way we're kindred spirits - though I think we all know that Lee's only going to have one true love...













(Gordon, not the sheep)

This day, September 14th shall forever be known as international 'Flat 8' day. Rejoyce!