Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 9 - 'I invented Sodastream... in the future'

So yeah quite a strange dream the other night. I had gone into the future to find out that I was in fact the inventor of Sodastream. Clearly, I was from before it had been invented because it came to a surprise to me when I was told. There was a woman with a broken Sodastream so I - being the gentleman that I am - decided to fix it for her. Some guy was all like; "Are you sure you can fix it? Do you have any idea how to start?"


Well I invented it apparently so fuckin' yeah I can fix it! Probably...


-IMAGE COMING SOON (I'll probably do it when I get back from work.)-

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 8 - Poo in a sink

Probably one of the most messed up dreams I've ever had.

Waking up within the dream, I'm told that in the previous night, I'd gotten very drunk and shat in a sink. It wasn't just any sink, it was a sink in a posh hotel type place. I had to go there and clean it. Everyone there was very nice - considering I did a shit in their sink. Though as it turned out, there was a lot of suspicion that it hadn't been me. I was just a scape-goat! Towards the end, things got strange as a bunch of internet phenomenons that don't actually exist started popping up.

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 7 a cheesy murder mystery

Last night, I had one of those "midsummer murders" dreams. But it was darker. Some girl had managed to leave clues about who murdered her and where she'd been burried. Oh yeah, the girl had been murdered by the way. There had been other bodies found but no one knew who'd done it. The girl had been burried under a shed from within the shed, the evidence that showed the police this was in the form of grated cheese... it was a green cheese. Grated by the murder victim herself!

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 6 - The Late Late Breakfast Show With Bill Bailey

Some dreams are just fragments of he past day mixed together to form images in your head... well most are. But the other night I had a dream that - to be quite honest - is one of the greatest ideas ever to be concieved(Though that's what I said about the girl with a massive toenail).

Picture this...

Bill Bailey walking along a suburban street in the late evening, he's in a dressing gown and has a newspaper under his arm, as he walks along people (some famous, some not famous) all who wave and say hi to him. He walks upto a flat, there are 2 front doors - each for different flats. A man is at the door on the right and Bill goes to the one on the left. They share a glance before going into their respective flats, the camera follows the man on the right as he enters the flat and turns on the tv. The camera then zooms into the TV to reveal Bill, dressed the same as he was outside holding the same news paper walking into a studio living room with a live audience. A voiceover says "It's the Late, Late Breakfast Show with Bill Bailey!". Bill then procedes to read vairous topical news stories from the paper and makes jokes about them. At one point, he's going to do a cook along with a complicated recipie and make a mess all over his dressing gown which he then takes off to reveal another Dressing gown under it. It'll be comedy gold.

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 5 - Obama in the Chilis

He may be the President of the USA, but in my dream last night, Barack Obama replaced John Frusciante as the guitarist in the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He wasn't as good as John but he had some nice style and very quickly became a fan favorite.
The RHCP line-up with John Frusciante was cloned so you could still see them perform but they just did the same stuff over and over again so people got bored of them.

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 4 - Gordon Ramsay's New World Order

In one of the dreams I had last night, Gordon Ramsay had created some sort of new world order in which he got rid of everything he didn't see fit. One of those things was a Vauxhall Corsa. That's right, Gordon Ramsay doesn't like Corsas!

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 3 - Dinner With The Zutons

In the dream I had last night, I was having dinner with The Zutons. They all haded each other and split up. I was also told by someone working for Jimmy Chung that I had to fight Leggat as he and I were both actually in the Zutons.

It's not the most rock 'n' roll dream I've ever had. That was the one where Jimi Hendrix was smoking my bus ticket but that's for another time.

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 2 - Explosive piss

Yeah, I had a dream this morning. It involved me having explosive piss. There were also like evil people/zombies trying to kill me. The dream was inconsistent - much like zombies.

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 1 - The Daffy Duck One

Last night I had a weird dream. I dreamt that I was the voice artist for Daffy Duck - but I did it with... my penis. But I stopped for a while because I upset some girl - but she turned out to be a bitch so I started again.