Thursday, 30 April 2009

"Those swines flew"

A copy of yesterday's Sun (or scum as I think it should be known as) was sitting folded in my flat and I saw the top half of the front page. "Free Gavin & Stacey DVD" "Get Britain Laughing" Happy happy - stuff like that. Then I turn the paper over and see "IT'S HERE!" "KILLER DISEASE HITS SCOTLAND!!" THE WORLD IS GOING TO END AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO... was the sort of message I got from it. Don't worry though the was a small message on the inside "Don't panic". Thank fuck.

There was an article from a guy with the subtitle 'reporter of the year'. Clearly showing his expertise and writing brilliance, the article (about how Swine Flu is replacing terrorism as the thing that we should all fear) started with the line "Those swines flew, now there's Swine Flu". And he also had pictures of terrorists with big red lines through them. I assume this is to illustrate how terrorism no longer happens. I guess it takes a certain kind of skill to be reporter of the year.

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 5 - Obama in the Chilis

He may be the President of the USA, but in my dream last night, Barack Obama replaced John Frusciante as the guitarist in the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He wasn't as good as John but he had some nice style and very quickly became a fan favorite.
The RHCP line-up with John Frusciante was cloned so you could still see them perform but they just did the same stuff over and over again so people got bored of them.

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 4 - Gordon Ramsay's New World Order

In one of the dreams I had last night, Gordon Ramsay had created some sort of new world order in which he got rid of everything he didn't see fit. One of those things was a Vauxhall Corsa. That's right, Gordon Ramsay doesn't like Corsas!

Monday, 27 April 2009

9 Tins Of Relentless = Bad Idea

The title basically tells you enough. I decided i would be a good idea to stay up all night so I drank 9 tins of relentless. It's much worse than alcohol - The come down was fucking torture.

But that was like a week ago (because of the inevitable brain damage, I can't really remember when it was) and I'm fine now so here's a highly exploitable picture of Johnny V.

Thursday, 23 April 2009

You know what's better than going to morrisons?

Going to Morrisons as it opens at 8am.

You know what's better than going to Morrisons as it opens at 8am?

going to Morrisons as it it opens at 8am - while drunk

You know what's better than that?

There's a special offer on Super Noodles

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Simmo just posted a Blog

But since YOU CAN'T COMMENT ON HIS BLOGS - I'm unable to leave a comment saying something like "woah, I just mentioned snooker in my blog less than half an hour ago!!!"

Hmm, maybe that's why he doesn't allow comments.

If Simmo reads this post, then the situation could possibly evolve into some form of blog off. Ive never had a blog off with someone in the next room before, should be good.

I leave you with a Video from Leggat's 'Hair Blair Bunch'

One of those longish posts where I complain about being bored

Snooker is fucking boring - if anyone tells you different then that person is a liar. I'm pretty bored right now - not as bored as when the snooker was on - but bored. I think I might tidy my room. look at how messy it is.

When I typed "tidy" a minute ago, I accidentally typed "tity". It would be humorous if I didn't notice that - or maybe it wouldn't be. I wish Simmo would allow comments on his blog - then I'd be able to comment on the different posts in his blog. I also wish Leggat would update the Flat 14 blog or at the very least start a new blog of his own - then I'd be able to comment on the different posts in his blog.

Ever get the feeling you're repeating you self repeating yourself repeating yourself repeating yourself repeating yourself repeating yourself shitting yourself repeating yourself repeating yourself repeating yourself repeating yourself repeating yourself repeating yourself?

I have a twitter account because it's supposed to be the big new thing but I don't seem to know anyone which kinda goes against the whole point of it.

Ah well, now to kill some time, I might dress up in a suit with sunglasses and pretend that I'm in The Matrix again.

Gordon Ramsay doesn't write newspapers - but if he did, they'd be better than the fucking Sun

I saw the cover of today's (or yesterday's as the case my be) Sun. It was about Chris Moyles being axed as the Radio 1 breakfast show presenter. According the BBC - that's bullshit. If so, it's not the worst piece of bullshit to come from the sun in the last few days, this was much worse.

I bet if Gordon 'The God' Ramsay caught cervical cancer, The Sun would be kissing his ass. He'd probably still tell them to go fuck themselves though because he's THAT COOL.

Even Google agrees with me about the sun being shit.

I Am The 1337 Rower

The other day I went to the gym with Leggat - not in the gay way - and I decided to have a go on the rowing machine. I got to 558 metres then took a drink of water - well I had just ran for 5.58 miles or kilometres or something so I was kinda thirsty. Anyway, after my mouthful of water I got back to my rowing and then stopped again at exactly 1337 metres. Oh yeah. I'm that fucking cool

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 3 - Dinner With The Zutons

In the dream I had last night, I was having dinner with The Zutons. They all haded each other and split up. I was also told by someone working for Jimmy Chung that I had to fight Leggat as he and I were both actually in the Zutons.

It's not the most rock 'n' roll dream I've ever had. That was the one where Jimi Hendrix was smoking my bus ticket but that's for another time.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

The Nintendo 5 Strike Again

On Thursday night, I made a quick sketch and on Friday, I opened Photoshop and began work on something very special.

In the words of a couple of my flatmates "what the fuck"

Goodnight everyone and have a safe tomorrow

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 2 - Explosive piss

Yeah, I had a dream this morning. It involved me having explosive piss. There were also like evil people/zombies trying to kill me. The dream was inconsistent - much like zombies.

Monday, 13 April 2009

Martin's Messed Up Dreams Vol 1 - The Daffy Duck One

Last night I had a weird dream. I dreamt that I was the voice artist for Daffy Duck - but I did it with... my penis. But I stopped for a while because I upset some girl - but she turned out to be a bitch so I started again.

Sunday, 12 April 2009

my face is hairy...

For the first time in my life, I think I've got an actual beard. The original plan was to shave when I'd handed my coursework in but to be honest, the beard's actually starting to grow on me...

Ahh, facial hair jokes.

Friday, 10 April 2009

Back in the USS - Dundee

After my insanely long trip home (Sunday - Thursday), I'm back in Dundee. After an hour of walking around Elgin, I didn't see one person I know - I go to Dundee and see 2 people within 5 minutes of arriving. Johnny v really wants a copy of Diddy Kong Racer for DS. It's almost as if Mario Kart isn't good enough for him.

Monday, 6 April 2009

Oh Boy...

An advert with children dancing and a strong emphasis on "touch" - topped off with Michael Jackson singing.

I'm saying nothing


Uncle Ben's is owned by Mars - so is pedigree chum.

Does that mean Uncle Ben's tastes like dog food?

seeing as Mars bars don't taste like dog food, I'd imagine not.

But what do I know - I said ""bullet-proof, but not locked" he then attempts to open the door only to find that it's not locked."

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

It's 1st of April

From: Me
Sent: Wed 01/04/2009 00:39
To: My Lecturers
Subject: RE: Coursework submission

Hi, I'm just emailing to say that I've not started any of my coursework that's due on Friday yet, can you please help me

From: Me
Sent: Wed 01/04/2009 00:41
To: My Lecturers
Subject: RE: Coursework submission

I was just kidding

From: Me
Sent: Wed 01/04/2009 00:44
To: My Lecturers
Subject: RE: Coursework submission

But no, seriously, I've done nothing