Monday, 31 January 2011

This post is 2 days late...

That's 2 days for each year I've been blogging

That's right! Today (well not actually today, but Friday) is the 2nd anniversary of this blog.
It all started with a picture of Leggat wearing a traffic cone on his head and a bunch of jokes about Billy being a paedophile.

Here's to another 2 years of me blogging - Perhaps even 2 and a half years.

(I would've posted a picture to make this post look better but to be honest - after 2 years - the love's gone and it feels more like work)

Go Blog!

Thursday, 27 January 2011

"You missed a Video Call from Leggat."


Fuck you MSN! Why would you deliver such horrific news.

Said video call would've happened about 4 hours ago when I was at the union. It could've been wonderful.

Yeah sure there'd be the awkward stage where I realise that not only is my webcam not plugged in, but it's not even been installed.

It would only take 10 minutes of me staring at an increasingly enraged Leggat before I'd get that started. Then all the camming would be wonderful.

He'd be all like; "LOLOLOL I can see you!" and I'd be like; "lolol I could see you first"
(Because it took like 10 minutes for me to install the fucking webcam)


(I had to find a fucking driver and everything)


(Not happy)

Anyway, none of that happened because I wasn't there.

All I've got are vivid imaginings of the world that could have been.

Fair well world.

...For now.

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Talent Show Reject on a Blurry Screen

So... I pub quizzed tonight. Pub quizzed hard. We even got half the answers right. most teams had more than twice as many people so it was kinda a moral victory.

But I'm not here to blog about some pub quiz - I've done that enough in the past.

What happened after the pub quiz is where it's at.

Leaving the pub quiz, everyone was pretty drunk. "What to do now?" we all slurred at each other in a somewhat aggressive manner. "Why I say, let's go to Liquid" one vomity-sicky voice said. "Good call". Good call indeed.

For those who don't know; Liquid is a nightclub in Dundee. There are probably other ones around the country, but the liquid in question is in Dundee.

So Martin? Why are are you boring us with shitty facts about some nightclub that isn't as good as Undedrground - even after underground put their prices up (the bastards).

Well Martin, (Martin? But I'm Martin. I need to stop posing questions to myself on my blog, it's getting really confusing - especially since I'm half-cut.)

Well Martin, we were going into liquid thinking 'oh, it's Monday, should be nice and cheap.'. £7 to get in! On a Monday! What the fuck!? I was happy to pay it. But still; what the fuck liquid? What the fuck?

We couldn't see what the fuss was until we got separated by a massive crowd of screaming maniacs. I could hear a PA system with a voice saying "Here he comes!".

Here who comes?

Here Wagner comes.

Apparently I'm the only person who doesn't give a fuck about this guy, yet I was within feet of him. I could've bottled him. But he had a guy. Yeah, a guy. Looked hard as fuck. Like Phill Mitchell and Grant Mitchell merged into one massive, bald ball of Eastenders hardness.

Also I throw like a girl.

Anyhoo, I was really close to this Wagner guy. Yet I couldn't give a fuck. I was closer to him than the X-factor judges were when they thought "Yeah, let's bring on another comedy act.". I was closer to him than I was to the Red Hot Chili Peppers when I saw them a few years ago - and I really like the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I was also closer than some genuine Wagner fans and was actually blocking their view of him. I would've moved for them but they insisted on shouting "Wagner" at the top of their voices and blowing out my eardrums. So fuck 'em. I hope they enjoyed watching their favourite talent show reject on a blurry screen.

Wait, he didn't win did he? If he did, that last line doesn't really work. Nor does the title.

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Sober Vegetarianism

Excuse me, I'd like a Quorn steak please, nice and rare, loads of blood.

What do yo mean Quorn doesn't bleed?

Quorn isn't even an animal?

What sort of crazy restaurant is this?

Oh right, a fictional one to use as an introduction to this post.

So, for the month of January, I'm not eating meat!
(There was that cook off thing at work but it doesn't count)

But yeah. Quorn steaks!

Fucking shit.

I've discovered a new love of sun blushed tomatoes and salad in general.
I've also discovered that vegetarian versions of meat things are shit. Well quorn chicken pieces are quite nice and Tesco's meat-free burgers are pretty good but other than that, meat-free meat sucks!

As well as giving up meat, I'm also giving up alcohol for the month.

Now I know what you're thinking; Why are you doing that? They're the to best reasons to be alive!


The above was written in the first 2 weeks of the month. Yeah, I lasted 2 weeks without drinking.

Which is pretty darn good by my standards.

Yes it is!

Fuck you.


so yeah... I was going to start blogging again (good ain Martin)

Well what the fuck you think I'm doing now!

Stalling? You think I'm stalling? You think I have things to say? Opinons? Stuff that I could post on this blog that matters?

Well no, I don't. But I'm going to pretend I do...

So... those Chilean miners huh? When you think they're going to get out of the mine? Wha- oh. Right, they got out. But surely they've got to go back down again. Right?
I mean they ARE miners. That's what miners do, they mine. In holes. They've had a nice, several months long holiday, time to go back down some holes.
...And hopefully get back up at the end of their shifts this time.

In conclusion, I'm blogging again. Blogging like it's 2009... or like it's 2007. I blogged a lot in 2007.